Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Does it Get Better than This?!

I am doing one of those jobs right now that dont come along every day. Faux finishing is one of my great loves. I'm good at it. I've been doing it for about 15 years now. It is labour intensive, most of the time, and pays well. Coming from a client who, according to the site manager, is never completely happy with anything, I nearly jumped with euphoria when I heard the words today, "It's amazing. Better than I had envisioned. Its perfect! I love it!" High praise indeed. For doing something I absolutely love. I'm all charged up and full of creative inspiration. Its like a window opened inside me and let the sun in. Gods, I wish I could do this every day of my life!

I went to the Doctor's today to renew my 'script, and he was frankly amazed that I am working 6 days a week at the moment, and loving both jobs.... He asked me, having known that I was struggling at my other job, and I told him quite candidly that I cahnged my mind. I change 'the way I looked at things, and the things I looked at changed..." I said that I used to be an expert in my field. I used to teach. I used to run a business, and I had felt like a failure, as a 'lowly till jockey'.... but then I changed my attitude. It isnt about the money, obviously, because I can barely afford to work at the General Store, the pay is so shite. It isnt about the work either. No. Its about the people. Its about contributing and being valued. Its about making people happy. Making them smile. That's my job. The staff, the customers, the feeling I have of being connected to the community now is what makes it great. And that's why I love it.

He said that he was amazed. That 3 months ago my life was such a different picture and he was really impressed with my incredibly rational and determined choice to see things in a way that was healthy to me.

I got some high praise today from two people I respect a lot, and that feels really good. :)

Meanwhile, its one of those gentle evenings with a mild rain. The feel of it makes me think it heralds Spring, but maybe its a tease. But I dont know. Mother Nature knows best...The buds on my Forsythia are sprouting and they seem to think Spring is on her way. I need to stop and notice these things. I need to stop and be aware that my poppies are sending out leaves, and that the soil smells fecund and fertile. I must be conscious of the world turning, shifting and making ready for another season. This year is going to be very different. Why? Because I am. That's why.

I was in a state of somnolent, dragging despondance. But I pushed through it somehow (damn good happy pills I tell you). I've been going full tilt.

An this evening I'm making a soup from the stock I made on Sunday (my only day off these days, which involved the usual domestic bliss of laundry - motherloads of it - and cleaning, shopping, running the dogs, and then flopping in exhaustuion on the couch where I stayed for hours until I had regained enough strength to eat dinner which B made, and crawl to bed). This soup, my darlings, she will be delicious! An Italian recipe I got out of Boulevard Magazine. A bean and veggie soup which I will spice up with Churizo sausage, as I dont have the jalapenos the recipe calls for. Glad I made the stock for the puppies too, with lamb and beef bones, to make their 'haggis'.

Tomorrow I am back at work at the General Store, and although I wish I could do the artsy thing every day, I sense that it will grow, and I'll get more of that work in time. I am holding that 'Intent'. Its coming....All in good time....

Today was a very good day.

And now I'm off to have a nice bath, and a glass of wine. I'll read a best seller pulp novel - one of those semi-esoterical, historical thrillers in the style of the Davinci Code...which has sparked a whole new Genre, it seems. (But let me tell you that Catherine Neville had that genre craked in the eighties, okay? She did it first and better if you ask me. Read her. She's great!) I will stop reading and breathe deeply, now and then, and think, 'what this smells like is... Home...' The soup will bubble slowly and gently, scents filling the house, as it comes, in its own time, as all things come in their own time, to the ready. And then we'll eat. And it will be utterly Yum!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

BTW...

Just so you know, dinner the other night, the duck breasts, was to die for. All-star team for sure. :) Some days you have it and some days you dont. You never know. But when you catch the groove, and get into the creative thing, and it works, coming from pure inspiration into material form...damn, but that's a good thing. Utterly yum. I dont know when I've had a better meal in a high-fallootin restaurant, in recent memory. Of course, it helps that we dont have any high-falootin restaurqants on the island, but that's as an aside.... The best rstaurants I know are the kitchens of my brother's and me and B's....

Damn, I'm good!!!

:)

Ennuie..... But Ultimately, its all Good...

The earthquake came and went, apparently, with hardly a blip on the radar screen. A 2point something. I didn't notice and I probably slept though it. Only one earthquake I've ever felt in my life, and that was in Ontario, which is rather rare, but it was very interesting at the time. Small. Not scary.

Work was boring. I didn't even bother trying to spice things up with flashing the security cameras, wearing weird accessories or making silly displays. I didn't sing to the satellite radio (oldies) as I often do when inspired to make things more cheerful. I didn't get upset about it either...though I did wonder if the day would ever bloody end; today was a blanc mange.I stalked the ailes and even the manager apologised to me for things being so slow. "You mustbe so bored...it isnt always like this." "I know, Its okay" . Tomorrow we have a HUGE shipment arriving, and I anticipate it with baited breathe, being run ragged and off my feet with stuff to do looks like a good thing compared to the dreaded pacing of ailes with a duster in my hands. Give me strength.

Huh.

It was so boring I couldn't bring myself to be the quirky and weird freak that I am...I was boring myself. And tired. Exhausted. I was too tired and sore. Painting hurts my body. The last two days did me in, working for my brother on a high-end home/estate. These people have more money than God, and actually pretty good taste. I love the faux finishing, don't get me wrong, and that part was great, but mostly, for the time being, I did regular house painting (trim work, Canukifornia, I'm with you and know you feel my pain). Next week will be the fun part after my brother's crew have prepped everything for me and done the hard part....but man, am I sore. Carpal tunnel. Shoulder impingement injury saying, "Oh SHIT! Not THIS again...!" But there may be a stained glass window commission in this for me so I pretend to be a trouper and work doggedly on. So far trhe owner seems pleased with where I am going with the painting.

Its good money and I cant turn that down. My benefits package came today and next week I should get my card which means full dental, for me and 90% for B, full prescriptions, naturopathic - partially covered, and physio therapy partially covered...good stuff. (In my most wistful moments I wonder if I can push the envelope and get some coverage on fertility treatments but that will take time to investigate, and I am pretty much out out of time here... or very nearly). I'll make enough money to cover the physio, and maybe get my arms and hands in better shape. Meanwhile, with the damp and cold, arthritis is really adding insult to injury.

Whine, Whinge, Whine. Whatever. Its my prerogative.

Xena's foot is healing nicely and she is not longer limping or upset. That's a good thing. We count our blessings. Every day. Ultimately, reality being relative, it all okay. Hope its all okay with all you out there...

Meanwhile, I'm going to have a bath, with bubbles, and a glass of wine, and read a silly fluff book whilst B makes a dinner of rack of lamb, salad and broccoli. B has put on some country music which plays happily in the background. He's a convert now, after balking with large attitude in the early days, guy-like. I know that music is innane sometimes, but it is cheerful, frankly, and having songs mostly about love and life, and sex, and family filling our house rather than angst and oh woe is me, is a relief. I'm not so proud, at my age, to be reluctant to say I'm mellowing....

B and I, after almost 4 years together, have settled, finally, into a gentle rhythm of loving existance and gentle appreciation. We applaud one another our truimphs and support one another through our stresses. We dont pick at one another but rather always focus on the positive, and respect the gains we make, individually and as a couple. Conflict comes rarely and when it builds up, resentment over undiscussed or unresolved stuff,it can be explosive, but is soon resolved with the greatest desire being a need to be kind, and a way to make the other understand, and feel better...We've become best friends, after having bonded through that incredible initial attraction and passion that so often goes no where, or to a bad place. We've always said we are lucky to have found one another, and its true. I thank my lucky stars every single day. Counting blessings makes me able to deal with the every day shite.

Life is just fine, thank you. Thank you very much. :)

Monday, February 5, 2007

The Fat on the Skinny....

Here's the deal.....Sorry to everyone for locking you out of my site. We have family who are travelling right now and I set up another blog specifically to post comments to them and keep in touch as they relate their adventures (I could do with a little bit of Mexico myself right now, who couldnt, but bless them, they deserve it and more power to them. So what if I'm green with envy).

Blogland being what it is combined with my lack of computer nerdness meant that I accidentally posted from THIS site, which as you all know is quite personal. I panicked. I changed the settings and now I've come to the conclusion that after asking them to delete the link to H-bird, either they will respect that and do so or they wont, and I refuse to censure myself. This is my space and you are my friends, and welcome. And if they read this, so be it.

I've begun making a dinner which I hope will make it to the all-star team. Breasts of duck, flash-braised in the pan to crisp the skin, then added red wine and orange juice, churizo, tomato slices and garlic; now baking in the oven. Accompanying the duck will be asparagus, which was on sale, and slices of baked squash drizzled with walnut oil, walnuts and a bit of maple syrup, with a plain salad on the side.

I have a fire going in the wood stove, swing/jazz classics on in the background (sing it Ella!!!), which I love. I feel like I am in a black and white movie from the fourties.... Silly sentimental music with lots of saxophone. Its okay, expected even, to smoke and have a cocktail or two before dinner, changing out of painters garb and into a long slinky gown, cut on the bias, which will not show the spare tires I have round my middle. Not in THIS movie! I wait for my man to arrive, and the stage is set. (Yegads!) Anyway, to set the scene, you should know that its foggy outside. Very mild and everything is shrouded with that grey diaphenous membrane, shifting here and there. Now you see it now you dont. A very romantic site. A lantern is lit and I feel safe to light it now that the earthquake scare is officially over. Despite not having heard the fat lady sing, I am doing ostrich head in the sand right now and will not think of natural disasters. There are enough disasters going on as it is. I am in a movie of my own making, and it looks cool, baby, real cool. We'll play cards later. Dance the cha-cha...(oh, no, that was the 60's wanst it? )We'll talk about the fact that in the US the State of the Union address was retracted by the White House...is that like saying the President is a big fat Liar?

Huh.

I painted for my brother today, only a 1/2 day and it was good. I feel sore but sense that that is more about being out of shape, and less about being arthritic and having inflamed joints.

B is coming home soon after doing his thing networking and touching base with his guys at the pub. He doesnt know I'm making this dinner. Its a surprise and I hope it turns out. Its a thing I kind of made up as I was ambling through the ailes of the grocery store this afternoon...wish me luck.

It was a good day, y'all. I'm really sorry about the panic privacy thing. I miss your comments and hope to see all of you back tomorrow! I espcially miss Lisa. Hope you're okay Cookie....

And that's me, chewing the fat and giving you the skinny. Ninight, and sleep well.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Phew!

Earthquake alert has passed. A new experience for me. I must say I didn't much care for it.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

P.s......

Oh. And....uhm.... did I meantion we are on earthquake alert?

Friday, February 2, 2007

Business as Usual....

Hey All, I'm sitting here not sure what to write. Dont feel like there is a lot to say, but I'll give it a whirl.....Things are okay. Home is good. Simple and basic. Work is fine, although I've been moved to another part of the store which is dead boring, and I try not to go nuts with ennuie. I put my hands on the counters on either side of me, do leg lifts, push ups (not many!) and debate flashing the cameras by pulling up my shirt and exposing my red bra, but pull silly faces at it instead. I straighten the shelves. And, Gods help me.... I dust. Hope that someone will catch me at it, just so that a conversation might happen, but so far no joy.

A few weeks ago, to provide some comic relief for myself, I set up a display on the top of my monitor which consisted of two white plastic doves, arching one over another, seeminlgy in an effort to reach the perfection of an August Rodin sculpture, depicting lovers embracing. Then I put some Christmas ornaments, white feather puffs on long stalks around it, framing the 'lovers' and put a plastic red heart in the middle. White fluffy stuffing, pretending to be snow, with sparkles, as a foundation. White trash tacky at its best. It gave me SUCH a giggle. I was hoping to provide the manager a laugh, but no one noticed! Not even the customers. Now I have a webkinz kitty on my monitor in the hopes that it will soothe the poltergeist that lives within the system, and inevitably follows me to whatever till I am stationed at. So far, its working. A little technical mojo, feng shui, or magic. Call it what you will, but the charm seems to be having the desired effect. Don't argue with me, okay?! There are Ghosts in the Machine, I tell you three times!

A few days later I bought a garland, you know the kind you put on a Christmas tree, like a string of popcorn, or pearls, only in this case it was lavender and purple beads which went off on straggly strings like branches off a tree. I wore it like a very long necklace which fell to nearly my thighs. I though of Coco Chanel, laughing in her grave. She'd have been proud of me. I wonder how many of her designs arose out of mind boggling boredom?

Meanwhile, boredom requires drastic measures to generate some kind of way to break the desperate tedium. What else can I do? Humour is the best medicine. As it turned out, I got a load of compliments on my 'necklace' last Saturday, at B's dad's B-day party, which was a smashing success, B's dad having told me a few days later that the cold he had coming on that night was wiped out by all the fun and excitement and he felt like a million bucks. 83 and going strong, bless him!

B's ex comes into the store. A stalker by nature and a freak of nature, if you ask me. Don't get me wrong, I am a big believer in all kinds of other-worldly things, but when my man's ex gives him her card to offer to ME and says she'd love to do an 'Angel Reading' for me.... Can I just say: Eeugh! And/or Eew! Tell me people, doesn't that seem odd to you? We are not friends. Neither B nor I like or approve of her. Her poor son works at the Store now and he looks so unhappy, even apologised to the manager for his mother being 'such a loser'... He is actually a great kid.

The thing is, she gets fixated on men. Mostly men very much her junior, as in 20 years her junior. Now B isn't THAT much younger than her and they dated a couple of months, until he wised up and managed, though it took a while, to extricate himself; silly sod. Then he met me, months after he had 'let her down easy' and she STILL had not let go. She sent him letters, showed up at his job sites, offered to FIX HIS JEANS.... and she comes into the shop nearly every day. I have to smile and be nice. At first I wanted to kill her. Decapitate her and eviscerate her. Tear her hair out and scratch out her eyes... pull off her fingernails one at a time. Very. sSowly. Because she still wont let go. My gods, woman, you were a blip on the radar screen, get over it!

I know a number of B's exes. Its a small Island. He has good taste. They are nice and lovely women, the few I know, but this one, she STILL wants his energy. She still makes barbed comments to him, she STILL wants something from him, and still tries to engage him and that's what irks me. He's in love with me. We are solid. We are coming onto 4 years of being together, and you'd think by now she'd get it...but no.

Its just really eew. I feel sorry for her but now and again I get angry at her attempts to connect with him. Thank goodness she has found a new object of desire and obsession..... The aforementioned 20 years junior person. Poor young man... he has the grace to be polite to everyone. Including her. Gods, she pisses me off.

Xena's foot which was quite savagely bitten by Zeus (did I mention this?) over a bone presumably, is healing, finally. When she was a year and a 1/2 I got Zeus, at 3 and a 1/2 months old. She bit him when he ran upstairs, within the first hour of them meeting, and after two hours they were in love. They have never been separated......Seriously, to the point that, in tears, I begged a baggage handler to make sure that they were loaded in their crates, in the hold of the plane side by side when we moved out west. "PLEASE DONT SEPARATE THEM!" He looked at me, the handler, through the plate glass window of the waiting area, and gave me a thumbs up sign. I cried. I'm such a wuss. But I was leaving my erstwhile husband at the time so I had an excuse for being wobbly over sentimental shit....

Anyway. Zeus bit Xena, and she had a couple of punctures on her head, and a really nasty laceration on her left fore paw. The vet said not to run her for at least 3 weeks. Bummer. She's been limping and cries when I clean it with antiseptic using the syringe the vet gave me. Today she seems better and the wound is beginning to close as it heals. Thank goodness.

I guess I had a few things to say after all. :)

Hope everyone in blogland is well.